Happy Birthday Jesus!

Merry Christmas.

Whether you celebrate the commercial side of Christmas or the true meaning of Christmas hopefully you enjoy it with your loved ones and have a great time.




25/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 24/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 19/21

Ghostly Vale Park

Today I walked through Vale Park and attempted to take a photo as I thought the atmosphere and lighting was good. As I took the picture I managed to obscure it with my breath and got this ghostly effect. I think it looks pretty cool and there'd be no way I could ever do it again. 

Walking through Vale Park

18/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 25/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 20/21

Jasper Sleeping

Jasper asleep on my chest whilst I'm in bed

13/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 23/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21

Jasper

Jasper
in the bathroom

06/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Belonging

Suffering with mental health problems has me never having the feeling of belonging anywhere. There is so much stigma towards disabilities and impairments and mental health sufferers are no different. From experience I know that my mental health problems have been belittled and derided. There are many times I am made to feel outcast and as though I'm just making it up or overreacting and over-thinking. It's horrible and makes me feel worse and does nothing to help. It's horrible to say but I sometimes wish these people would suffer the way I and many others do and see how they like it when they are ridiculed.

Patrick Murphy's brightly coloured pigeons entitled "Belonging"
on display at the Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool

29/11/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Sylvester

Sylvester

22/11/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Sylvester's Box

Sylvester in his comfy box
with some Webbox Lick-e-Lix on his nose

15/11/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Alone In The Dark

Why is it so difficult for me to go out alone? I used to go out all the time alone. I'd walk for miles and it wouldn't bother me, I would enjoy it. These days I can just about make it to the local supermarket alone but when I do so I'm agitated and on edge every moment I'm out. I have panic attacks from just walking past people and get anxious, shaky and really tense and twisted inside.

Is it wrong that I feel this way when I go out alone? I used to love going for long walks alone in the dark of night. I miss these walks but can't bring myself to do it anymore. The physical pains and agitation is too much...


08/11/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Mortal Kombat?

Is waking up feeling as though you have a full on Mortal Kombat tournament going on inside you normal or even healthy? It's a feeling I have inside constantly and that has been there for as long as I can remember. I always thought it was normal but I'm increasing thinking it's not because it's recently been making me feel rather ill.

Different therapists have talked to me about it and have had conflicting views. Some have said "it isn't normal" whilst others have taken the approach "who is to say what is normal". Personally I don't care either way I just know that I don't like the way it feels and never have done. I don't like feeling torn up and twisted inside as if something is ripping out part of me. The more anxious and stressed I get the worse it gets but decreasing stress and anxiety doesn't get rid of it. It's only by picking up a knife and cutting myself that I seem to get any release from it and even then it's just for a short time.

Recent disagreements and misunderstandings with family hasn't helped but hopefully that is in the past now. I just hope that the behavioural therapy will somehow be able to help me beat this. It just seems such a long way off and such a huge uphill struggle with everything else that needs overcoming and dealing with on the way. Considering I've been doing this now for at least 3 years it doesn't seem to get any easier and the pressure on me to get everything sorted as quick as possible makes it almost impossible to see a way forward. Being lumbered with additional stress whilst trying to overcome depression and stress is not a very effective combination but it seems to be what you have to put up with whether you want it or not.



01/11/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21