Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Life Is Just Manipulative Hokum

I haven't posted anything on my blog for a while. I haven't been mentally or emotionally up to it or anything else for that matter. 

Events of the past few years have lead to me coming to a stark realisation that my whole life up to 2013 has been a whole mass of messed up lies and manipulation. This has resulted in me entering the darkest and lowest phase of my life to date. 

Attempted suicides and self-injury have played a huge part in my life and has been much more intense over the past few months. Nothing seems to help. Being referred for help from the local mental health service, Inclusion Matters, is all well and good but when the person who is meant to deal with my area is never available then my referrals are just stopped in their tracks.

I have no idea how I'm supposed to move forward from this. Those that are paid to help seem unwilling to do so and there are less and less people I can trust let alone look to for help. Everything I thought and was taught was right and true was all just manipulative hokum devised by those who I was lead to believe loved and cared about me. 

I feel trapped, lost, abandoned and alone. Ending things seems the best option unless another unlikely solution rears it's head.


Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

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