Delta Machine

It seems such a long time since I have been able to look to the future and see something worth living for yet for the first time in months I actually have something to look forward to. 

Depeche Mode have a new album "Delta Machine" out this year and I can't wait to hear it. Their music is one of the few things I have found to be able to calm and distract me when I'm really down and agitated. It's an escape that let's me forget the my life and immerse myself in a world of electronic masterpieces.

My life may stay the stressful, anxiety ridden, manic depressive mess it is now but at least there will soon be a new soundtrack in which I can escape to "Heaven" before calling in the "Delta Machine".

29/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 22/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Drained

The past few days have been a real pain in the ass. I have spent a huge amount of time barely able to keep myself awake. I have been completely drained. I haven't even been able to keep my eyes open at times as they hurt too much and my eyeballs have been red. At times i haven't had the energy to move and I lost my appetite. I haven't felt this agitated, angry and down for more than 3 years and I'm not sure what the cause is. 

I can't stand my unpredictable flicking between moods at the best of times but the past week has been ridiculous. In the past week I've had more mood changes than I've had meals and the bad moods have been overly violent and aggressive. 

I just hope that i can get some sort of normality back to my life and less mood changes over the coming week or so.




26/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

2013: Year of Incompetence?

So far 2013 is proving to be a year of incompetence. First there was the HMV staff in Birkenhead, next is Parcelforce.

Placing an order online and finding it's getting delivered by Parcelforce should be reassuring yet for me it isn't anymore. I was out at 2pm on 16th of January so was unable to accept a delivery  Normally if this happens I expect to return home to a card telling me that a delivery was attempted and that I can get it redelivered or pick it up from somewhere. Nope. I returned home to find nothing. 

The next day I again received no parcel so I decided to check with the Stateside Candy Co. who I had placed the order with. My parcel had been sent by Parcelforce's 48 hour express delivery so I should have received it on the 16th whilst I was out. Had I not checked I wouldn't have been aware that there had been a missed delivery as the driver didn't post a card through the door as he was supposed to do. A week on and I am forced to have to pick up my parcel from the central post office (despite being told it was in my local post office which is literally 5 minutes away). Contacting Parcelforce doesn't get you any help. They just fob you off with gibberish and they don't care that you haven't been properly informed about the parcel or given a card that you need to take in order to collect it. Instead I have to hope they will accept a utility bill  as proof that the parcel is mine. This farce is stress and agitation that I do not need and could have been avoided had Parcelforce done their job properly. A week on I can only hope that I am able to retrieve my parcel.

I was supposed to attend another session at Ingeus today but I cancelled it due to the bad weather. It's a stress off me for now but I know I'm just delaying it.



22/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Coincidence?

Last week I got made to feel like a thief by HMV because they had made mistakes with their pricing of stock but wouldn't admit to it this week it seems they have gone into administration. Coincidence?

I can't say I am surprised after the experience I had last week. It will be a shame if the store goes but if all of the staff are as rude and idiotic as those in the Birkenhead store then they only have themselves to blame.

On another topic, I have to attend another session at Ingeus next Tuesday and I'm not looking forward to it at all. I've been visiting them for about 9 months and have still yet to have any idea what I'm there for. I'm supposed to have an advisor but so far I'm on my third one despite still not knowing what I'm going there for or what I am expected to achieve  All I know is that so far I just get ridiculously stressed out everytime I go there and leave knowing nothing more than when I arrived.



15/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 24/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

HMV Agitation

First week of the new year and already been made to feel like a thief. 

I received a HMV gift card for Christmas and thought I'd visit the Birkenhead branch and see if there was anything I wanted. I looked around and found Paloma Faith's Fall To Grace and Apocalyptica's 7th Symphony [CD+DVD edition] stickered with 2 for £10. I thought to myself this is a nice bargain so I picked up a copy of each and took them to the checkout. The tallish slim guy with glasses at the checkout scanned them through and they both went up as 2 for £10. He then looked at the Paloma Faith CD and said this shouldn't be in this offer and started to struggle for a few moments to pick off the sticker which was firmly on. He then asked me to wait whilst he spoke to the manager, an average sized man with rather to much hair spray in his hair as it didn't move at all when he moved. The two men came over and the manager started saying that kids must have swapped stickers off another CD onto the Paloma Faith CD as the sticker peels off easily. He ignored the fact that I told him that the checkout guy had struggled to peel the sticker before he took it to him and also failed to explain why the CD scanned through as being 2 for £10. Instead he spoke to me as though I had done something wrong and then walked away to an oldish staff member with a grey beard and ponytail and glasses and they both proceeded to point and laugh as I walked out of the store empty handed. I returned home feeling rather agitated and stressed and let down by a store that I have always had respect for. No more do I have any respect for HMV or it's staff at the Birkenhead store.

I attended a session at Ingeus today after receiving a text yesterday asking me to turn up 30 minutes later than my scheduled appointment only to find that my adviser wasn't there at all as he was ill. A wasted journey as all that happened was I was given a new appointment and then went home.

A completely wasted and unproductive day. Let's hope this isn't a sign of how the rest of 2013 is going to be.



08/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Hopefully the year ahead will prove to be much better than the one we've just left behind.

As one year transforms into the the next I can only hope that things will start to improve. 

2012 was not a very good year for me physically, mentally, financially or emotionally.

2013 will hopefully see an improvement. Hopefully I can make the changes needed and continue getting the help I need to start to get my life back.


01/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21