Inclusion Matters, or does it? It seems it does!

So I finally got a letter for my first Inclusion Matters appointment. Hopefully the wait has been worth it and it will give me some help and guidance in dealing with my mental health and anxiety issues. It's only a shame that my anxiety has gone through the roof since receiving my appointment. I don't know how I'm going to cope with getting to the appointment. Here's hoping I can fight through this and turn up. Roll on January 21st!


17/01/2015


Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Inclusion Matters, or does it?

More than a year has passed since I was referred to the NHS mental health service, Inclusion Matters, and it seems I might have eventually got my "initial assessment". 

Early in 2013 I was referred by my GP to the Inclusion Matters mental health service. I called the opt in number after following what the referral letter stated. I was told that the woman who deals with my area was not yet in the office and that after leaving my contact number she would call me back. I was then asked if they could leave a message on that number should I not be available to which I replied yes. The call back never came and I moved home about a month later so in the unlikely event that they did call back after this time I was unable to receive such calls. 

In January 2014 I was referred to the Inclusion Matters mental health service by my GP after I had to visit hospital due to self injuring. I followed the instructions given in the referral letter and called the opt in number after waiting 2 days. I was told that the woman who deals with my area was not yet in the office and that if I left my contact number she would call me back. I was then asked if they could leave a message on that number should I not be available to which I replied yes. 

The call back never came.

After 2 weeks I went back to my GP who advised me to keep calling until they actually do what they are supposed to do. I called many times over the following weeks and eventually I actually managed to get through to the woman who deals with my area (despite being told countless times that they would call me back when she is in or when she is not busy). Feeling relieved that I was actually getting somewhere I thought an appointment was forthcoming. Instead I was told that they had no record of a referral since 2013 and that I would again have to go back to my GP to get one. The woman also said I'd need to wait "at least 4 days before ringing" despite the referral letters always stating 2 days.

It took nearly 3 months to get in touch with the right person at Inclusion Matters and then despite the fact that I had seen my GP send the referral fax in January 2014 they deny it even existed.

I made yet another appointment to see my GP within 2 days of being told by Inclusion Matters that they had not received my recent referral. My GP was not at all happy with Inclusion Matters and sent a new referral on 25th March 2014 which I again saw being faxed. 

I waited the 4 days as I was told by the Inclusion Matters woman and called the opt in number. Oh what a surprise to find that the woman for my area was busy and she would take my number, call me back or leave a message for me if I'm not available.

The callback never came yet again. 

I tried again a few days later and got the same response. I've since come to the conclusion when Inclusion Matters say I'll get a "call back" what they actually mean is "we don't give a damn about you and the only way you are ever going to be dealt with is if you are lucky enough to choose a time to call when they aren't busy", no matter how many times they say otherwise.

I had given up. I needed to see my GP for a check up and to get more medication soon so I told myself I'll tell her again what has happen with regards to Inclusion Matters and no doubt she would lodge an official complaint or something similar as she would not be happy.

The 25th Anniversary of the horrific Hillsborough tragedy came and Inclusion Matters posted the following Tweet:

Which I found laughable. How do they expect to help someone who has been dealing with such a horrific event for 25 years when they can't even make a simple callback to some who has been trying to get help from their service for 4 months?

I responded to their Tweet:

I emailed and explained to them everything that had occurred since my 2013 referral to the mysterious missing referral and the most recent referral and the "callbacks" that never took place. I was hopeful that maybe now I would be able to get the help I have been trying to get from Inclusion Matters since 2013. 

April 25th arrived and I received a letter from Inclusion Matters (no single person just signed as Inclusion Matters). The letter makes out it's my fault that I was not getting the help I was referred for. Stating "we are happy to reinstate your referral from 27.03.14". If they had actually called me back then there would have been no need to reinstate anything it was Inclusion Matters that caused the referral to lapse. I called them, it wasn't my fault that every time I called they said they'd call me back and then didn't. 

Despite all of this I again called Inclusion Matters to opt in and in this letter I was given a different number to call. When I called the new number I was then told I had called the wrong number even though this was the new number given to me in the most recent letter I had received. I eventually got through to the right person and after more than a year I now have a date and time for my initial telephone assessment. It still however remains to be seen if they'll actually call me as they don't seem to like doing that.

The whole point of being referred to the Inclusion Matters service was to get help in dealing with various mental health problems I am dealing with yet so far the only thing it has done has made them much worse.

02/05/2014


Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Happy Kitty

Jasper is eating much better now he has had time to realise he is king of this house. He is savouring his food and no longer gets edgy looking for his bully of a brother. He has really come out of his shell and seems much happier than I've ever seen him. He is enjoying the new environment outside and has made some new friends and enemies in the local cat community which is thriving where we live. It is so great to see him so happy and chirpy. I've missed him being like this.

It's things like this that make life worth living.





09/04/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 19/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21

Bullying: Pets And Family

Jasper seems to be settling in well in his new home. He doesn't seem to be missing his brother at all, or the dogs or anyone else. In fact he seems to be enjoying the freedom he has to do whatever he wants without anyone or anything stopping him.

It seems at our last home his brother was bullying him as I had suspected. When he is eating he has been getting edgy thinking his brother is going to come and push him out the way and steal his food. Hopefully in time he'll settle down and realise no one is going to take his food or toys or anything off him.

My parents have shown their disapproval of my moving out. They bought a house and rented it to me and my sister. I didn't ask them to and I was lead to believe it would be a more beneficial situation than I was in at the time. You don't expect your own family to give you bad advice so I was happy to move believing it would be a step in the right direction for my life and my health. It was for the first year but then after a few disagreements and constant meddling it got too much.

I got fed up of the way I was being treated by them, the dogs, my sister and the numerous others that constantly roamed the house. It never really felt like it was my home. I was made to feel like I was staying in someone's house. Being on benefits meant that my parents expected me to clean up after everyone in the house including 2 dogs that loved to pee and poop wherever they chose to. My room was so cramped I could barely walk around it for lack of space due to everything I had brought from my previous home. There was also the constant threat from my dad that I would have to move my stuff that I had downstairs in the communal areas and find an alternative place for it (in other words my already overflowing room or the bin).  I should have stayed put in the flat I was in before this. At least there I had space to move, privacy and control over who was coming and going. So I got in touch with the council and applied for social housing. It happened so fast and I think the fact that the council were disgusted when I told them my parents expected me to clean up after everyone else went in my favour as well as my health problems.

I moved out whilst my mum and sister where on holiday and my dad was doing work somewhere. I couldn't get in touch with any of them easily so couldn't inform them. They seemed rather unhappy with this yet I had already discussed it a few weeks earlier with my mum so it's not like they didn't know what was going to happen.

I was going to visit them when they got back from their holiday, on my dad's birthday. A few days before I was to go and see them I received a text from my sister that was completely uncalled for and irrelevant. It allowed me to see the mood that they would be in and what would no doubt happen if I was to go and see them. At my age I'm not going to go down to see my parents only to be shouted at and treated like a child which from past experience I know would have happened. My family don't seem to be able to talk things through they just shout a lot and nothing gets sorted.

It seems however that they aren't so much bothered about me or the fact I moved out instead they are more fixated on the council tax palaver they have gotten themselves messed up with. They got me messed up in it by asking me to try and straighten things out with the council. I tried the best I could but I couldn't do anything to fix the problem as it was my parents mistakes that lead the council to take the action they have done. Now I'm being bullied by my parents over something that is out of my control.

So much for the new stress free beginning in my new home.






09/04/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

A New Beginning?

Today I officially move into my new home. It all happened so quickly. I didn't expect to be offered a new home so soon after signing up. Today I get to hopefully have a new beginning.

Gone is the foul smell of dog pee and poop, gone is the mould that was plaguing the bedroom wall, gone is the constant blame for things that others had done, gone is the lack of privacy and the feeling of not belonging. I give a huge welcome to peace and time to deal with my illness at my own pace without family trying to force me into things I'm not mentally or physically ready for. I can live without fear of my belongings being destroying by dogs and their fouling whilst their owner just laughs. I can enjoy living in my own space without anxiety of not knowing who or what is coming and going at all hours of the day and night. Never again will I make the mistake of a house share situation with family who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and people I don't know. It was the worst time I've had in my life and any progress I had made with my illnesses was eradicated.

Hopefully going forward life will be worth living.





13/05/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 20/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21

Assessment Done... Now To The Waiting

It's over and done for now. Now I Just have to wait on their decision which will be just as bad as the stress of the assessment. I can't wait for it to be over and done with. If it wasn't for the lack of empathy from my family I might have been able to cope better.





17/04/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

DWP, Ingeus, ATOS and Incompetance

After a week, lasting just 92 days, I finally get a new Ingeus appointment yet I still have no control of my life as it has been placed in the hands of people who are continually showing, despite them claiming the opposite, that they honestly don't care about me or my health problems. The only problem is on the same day I already have a hospital appointment to attend that I've been waiting seemingly forever for. It looks like I'll be waiting another "week" when I have to reschedule this new Ingeus appointment.

I also have to attend an ATOS assessment next Wednesday which has sent my already high levels of depression, anxiety, stress, and agitation through the roof whilst causing my mental state to crumble even further especially with all the publicity ATOS have had over their incompetence and their immoral view on people who are ill and disabled. 

It seems that whilst I'm suffering with my mental health problems I'm at the mercy of the DWP and the companies of incompetence, no compassion and no common sense that they choose to use to abuse the vulnerable.




09/04/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Baking Release

It's now 78 days and still seems that to Ingeus it is not long enough to be classed as a week. I'll be surprised if by the time I get my new appointment from them that it doesn't clash with something more important.

Since I am constantly on edge with anxiety and endlessly depressed, feeling that I have no control of any part of my life, I decided to try and use baking as a distraction technique. It worked albeit only temporarily. It was fun, relaxing and mildly therapeutic but not something I can afford to do all the time on my current budget. It makes a change from using cutting as a release.

Hopefully, I can soon get some more counselling and behavioural help if the DWP permits me.



26/03/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 24/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

71 Days and Counting... That's A Long Week!

Still waiting for a new appointment from Ingeus to replace the one I had to cancel in January due to atrocious weather conditions. 

"I'll send a new appointment out in the next week" was what I was told on 7th January 2013, it's now 19th March 2013. A week seems to last longer than 7 days when you are a company employed by the DWP it would seem (71 days so far). If this isn't further proof that I'm being messed about by them I don't know what is.

The whole thing is just making my mental state worse because I don't know what is going on with anything. I seem to spend my life waiting on people. I never know what is going on any more yet they want me to get better and back into work. How exactly is making my health worse going to achieve that?



19/03/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Viruses Going, ATOS Anxiety Rising

The laryngitis seems to be subsiding hopefully I'll get my hearing back and get rid of the effects of these darn viruses. 

Jasper had a huge lump on his head that looked like a boil or something similar and then it popped in a mass of blood. He seems fine and after it was cleaned up it has been healing well.

I hate the ATOS assessment forms. They know what's wrong with me but seem to need to know again every so often. I'm doing everything I can to get myself back to health and back to work but it will take time. I'm supposed to be getting help from Ingeus too yet they are always messing me about. Switching me from person to person without any real reason and without providing any actual help. It seems pointless.



26/02/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Laryngitis

The tonsillitis has gone and been replaced with laryngitis. Darn illnesses won't leave me alone at the minute. Hopefully I'll soon be well enough to go and get my dental work done that's had to be put off since last year. 
Hopefully my sister is having fun on holiday in Spain and hasn't taken any illness with her.



19/02/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Tonsillitis

Had a blood test yesterday and I'm now increasingly getting more ill. 
Tonsillitis isn't very nice and the cough is ridiculously painful. 
Hopefully it'll pass soon.



12/02/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Delta Machine

It seems such a long time since I have been able to look to the future and see something worth living for yet for the first time in months I actually have something to look forward to. 

Depeche Mode have a new album "Delta Machine" out this year and I can't wait to hear it. Their music is one of the few things I have found to be able to calm and distract me when I'm really down and agitated. It's an escape that let's me forget the my life and immerse myself in a world of electronic masterpieces.

My life may stay the stressful, anxiety ridden, manic depressive mess it is now but at least there will soon be a new soundtrack in which I can escape to "Heaven" before calling in the "Delta Machine".

29/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 22/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Drained

The past few days have been a real pain in the ass. I have spent a huge amount of time barely able to keep myself awake. I have been completely drained. I haven't even been able to keep my eyes open at times as they hurt too much and my eyeballs have been red. At times i haven't had the energy to move and I lost my appetite. I haven't felt this agitated, angry and down for more than 3 years and I'm not sure what the cause is. 

I can't stand my unpredictable flicking between moods at the best of times but the past week has been ridiculous. In the past week I've had more mood changes than I've had meals and the bad moods have been overly violent and aggressive. 

I just hope that i can get some sort of normality back to my life and less mood changes over the coming week or so.




26/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Hopefully the year ahead will prove to be much better than the one we've just left behind.

As one year transforms into the the next I can only hope that things will start to improve. 

2012 was not a very good year for me physically, mentally, financially or emotionally.

2013 will hopefully see an improvement. Hopefully I can make the changes needed and continue getting the help I need to start to get my life back.


01/01/2013

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Merry Christmas.

Whether you celebrate the commercial side of Christmas or the true meaning of Christmas hopefully you enjoy it with your loved ones and have a great time.




25/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 24/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 19/21

Ghostly Vale Park

Today I walked through Vale Park and attempted to take a photo as I thought the atmosphere and lighting was good. As I took the picture I managed to obscure it with my breath and got this ghostly effect. I think it looks pretty cool and there'd be no way I could ever do it again. 

Walking through Vale Park

18/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 25/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 20/21

Jasper Sleeping

Jasper asleep on my chest whilst I'm in bed

13/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 23/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 18/21

Jasper

Jasper
in the bathroom

06/12/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21

Belonging

Suffering with mental health problems has me never having the feeling of belonging anywhere. There is so much stigma towards disabilities and impairments and mental health sufferers are no different. From experience I know that my mental health problems have been belittled and derided. There are many times I am made to feel outcast and as though I'm just making it up or overreacting and over-thinking. It's horrible and makes me feel worse and does nothing to help. It's horrible to say but I sometimes wish these people would suffer the way I and many others do and see how they like it when they are ridiculed.

Patrick Murphy's brightly coloured pigeons entitled "Belonging"
on display at the Walker Art Gallery, Liverpool

29/11/2012

Depression Questionnaire (PHQ9):
Your Depression Score is 27/27

Anxiety Questionnaire (GAD7):
Your Anxiety Score is 21/21